Naughty Morty and the Boy in the Buttercup Coat

The Story Behind the Story

In 2019, when it seemed that everyone was sharing the quotes “when it rains, look for rainbows” and “when it is dark, look for stars”. I felt like it was too dark for rainbows, and too cloudy stars. Despite being a generally “positive” I was struggling.

As I doodled the third illustration, I broke down in tears as it hit me… well if it is too dark for rainbows and too cloudy for stars, it was time to ask for an umbrella and a flashlight. It was time to ask for help.

I reached out to my good friend and Editor Whimsical to ask for help, who kindly pointed me in the direction of a therapy service.

My PTSD has not gone, and I still suffer flashbacks, especially when I see an ambulance with its lights flashing. I am suddenly back in A&E resus, surrounded by medical staff, all rushing around me in organised chaos, whilst I lay there, unable to move, adjusting to the realisation that I am about to die… and the worst part, the most intense pain I have ever felt… I was about to leave my children for good, and I didn’t get to say goodbye!

Typing this out still causes me to feel my heart pound, the thick lump in my throat as fear and heartbreak fall from my eyes.

But thanks to my EMDR therapy and wonderful therapist, I am able to ground myself. I am able to remind my brain that it is a memory and I take myself to real-life Whimsical Woodland Way, Belhus Wood Country Park in Thurrock, Essex. To a particular day when Eldest and Littlest Whimsical skimmed rocks on the lake as I rested back on my elbows in utter bliss… my happy place.

Acknowledging that struggling with something is perfectly normal, and acknowledging that asking for help is not only perfectly acceptable, but on occasion, necessary.